i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
