Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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