Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
