brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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