and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
