Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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