peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
