that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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