i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
