Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
50% drunk capacity currently
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
