Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
