you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A+ Viking dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
