I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
