the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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