Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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