My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
