I seem to have left my pride at pride
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
