how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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