I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
