well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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