If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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