never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
