addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize