Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
