the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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