dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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