he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
