I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
