I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
