So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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