I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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