Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I supernannyed him into submission
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
