it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
