Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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