My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
