dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
