just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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