I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
