i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
