I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize