my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
