I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
