How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize