i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
