someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
