she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
