Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
