Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize