THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
