It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
false alarm. still invincible.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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