thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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