New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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