what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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