So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My life is pants optional.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
