He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize