So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
