I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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