Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize