I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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