Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize