I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
