just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
