You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What a dumb baby whore.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Couch. On fire.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
