She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
