Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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