is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
