The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
