if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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