Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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