So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
