His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
