I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
